Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Linus Pauling Quartet

Linus Pauling Quartet: "Clinton: Mournbong and Stonebringer are twin bongs, forged by a forgotten race on a distant planet. When the planet was destroyed, a few refugees escaped, bringing the bongs and seeds from their best hydro to Earth, where they fought an eon-long battle with the Bug People, the earth's protean inhabitants. Both races were nearly destroyed and their remnants driven into remote places, but the aliens passed their legacy, and the Twin Bongs of Power, to humanity as they slowly emerged from apedom. The bongs have been carried by many of the masters of the human race: brought back from the far east by the Greeks during the time of Alexander, they passed into the hands of the Roman Emperors, but were separated from one another during this time. William the Conqueror brought Mournbong into England at Hastings, for example - even as Stonebringer languished in the hands of the Popes. Supposedly Hitler had a plot to obtain both bongs, and fulfill the medieval legend that stated the apocalypse would occur when a single man wielded both at the same time - conquering both time and space, as it were, in the Great Singularity: an event where man himself becomes omnipotent and thereby destroys the universe in his ignorance. This was thwarted, but almost came to pass again recently when my high school dope buddy Mike Gunn obtained both bongs through a series of chance occurrences. Fortunately, Mike's mom confiscated his bongs and his stash prior to the planned smoke-in, and thereby the human race narrowly avoided the apocalypse. We think the bongs are probably in the control of the NSA at this time, though rumor has it that Mike managed to keep Mournbong and still uses it occasionally."

Go Linus!
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