Friday, October 28, 2005

o.k.

so,
I'm just gonna keep writing for a while tonight,
and seeing what comes out...

Of all the pieces I've only half finished,
the one that I think is the most worthwhile
would require weeks of workshops and someone
over me with a lot more experience than I have doing
these things...
it's about cell phones,
and so much of the dialogue is abitrary
as long as certain points are hit
that it only makes sense
to let the actors have a hand
in setting the language...
or is that a cop out?

Right now
I'm not
doing the work
required of me,
in any area.

I keep saying,
"tomorrow,
Monday,
Wednesday,
Friday,
tomorrow..."

I am about as frustrated
in every area of life
as I've ever been...
high school...
college...
any of it.


I have
arachaic notions
of the way
things
are supposed
to go



If you ever wonder
what I'm thinking
assume the worst...

if you want to know for sure,
slap me...
if I don't ask,
"what was that for?"
you'll know you were right.


I don't claim
to understand
any of this.
I'm just
pretty sure
that this ain't
the way
it's s'posed
to go.


I have
no killer
instinct.
could never
be a salesman.
it's either
all the same thing
or it's
all nothing.
how
do you
sell that?




I'm not saying
it's all hell
in fact
in spite
of it all
I enjoy myself
quite a bit
drinking
dancing
playing
smoking
eating
thinking

(ah thinking
there's a double-edge
if'n there ever was one,
I mean, really,
don't you just wish
sometimes
that it'd stop
all of it
the words
and all their permutations
just dancin
around yr noggin'?
I know I do

and sometimes
I suppose it does

when I'm dancin'

or engaging
in the sort
of activity
that footloose
says that
dancin' leads to

I reckon
perhaps sometimes
dancin'
might stand
as a substitute
for somethin' else
I don't think
there's much
o' anything
that could stand
as a substitute
for dancin')


I had to waltz
a bit
in the last show

had it in rehearsal

know I did

lost it in performance

pissed me off

everyone else seemed o.k. with it

confusing.



sometimes I think
I'm barely
holding it together
sometimes I think
holding it together
is all I'm doing

the scariest thing I ever heard.
a friend and I.
we're having a conversation.
college.
late.
drunk.
I said,
"I think I'm gettin close to the edge"
he said (and this is it), "There is no edge."
he moved back to Ohio.
became a junkie.
I stayed here and became a pothead.
whatever.
the point.
no edge.
scary.


shouldn't we all be communists by now?
hasn't global capitalism failed yet?
it's failed me.
gotta be a better way than this...

o.k
I guess I should give up
for the night
try to get some sleep

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to tell you Mike... but for whatever it's worth, I really wish I did...

C

Mike said...

tell me,
"the sun'll come out tomorrow"
which it did
and while not
fixing everything
it has made things brighter

going to concentrate on
not worrying
at least through Halloween

that's the plan
as it stands