Monday, March 14, 2005

monday night

at home...
finished the whiskey
listening to lcd soundsystem and
not dancing

avoiding doing any of the
productive things on my list

not that I have a list

I read more of "Notes from the Underground" and while I think it completely underlines my point about the farce that is the "science" of economics it also devastates me and makes me crazy.
It's like when I read "The Trial" when I was unemployed and didn't leave the house for a week or so.
There are very few works that really feed my manias and delusions quite so well as those.
I want to say they are like wallowing in the mud,
but I know that's not quite right...
it's just that there's something
about unpleasant truths,
the things I KNOW,
but don't allow myself to dwell on...
to read those kinds of things
articulated so clearly
is really kind of devastating.
I want to say it's inspiring too
and I guess if I want to say it
then it must be so in some way,
but I'm sceptical.
I have been writing again
and working on a few things,
but I'm barely building momentum
and NONE of it is the stuff I'm supposed to be working on
and that makes me wonder,
and you know it's just drunk talk,
but what if the end result of an absurdist world view,
for me, ends with a certain kind of selfishness?

how's that for some serious drunk-blogging?

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