14 Thoughts For The New Pope / Condoms. Female priests. Stop gay bashing. And dammit, do something about Christian rock

14 Thoughts For The New Pope / Condoms. Female priests. Stop gay bashing. And dammit, do something about Christian rock:

6) Pope, why is Christian music still so patently awful? Do you know? Oh, I know, there's all these quasi-hip new Christian rock bands and drug- and alcohol- and debauchery- and nipple-clamp-free Christian rock festivals drawing tens of thousands of completely sanitized teens, and sure the songs no longer have to mention Jesus or the word savior, or Lord, or 'Don't touch my genitals' in the lyrics like, five hundred times to make it clear they don't have much fun in life, but still. Christian rock is an oxymoron, Benedict. Forever and always.

7) A related confession: I recently found myself sampling snippets of the new Kristin Chenowith album on iTMS, mostly because she's that cute little thing from 'The West Wing' and she has that adorable mouse-on-helium voice and I wanted to see what she sang about and oh sweet Jesus this toxic CD totally decimates all thoughts of her cute likeability, and its numbing saccharine Jesus adoration makes you gag and sigh and wish she would discover the joys of a good Hitachi Magic Wand and a gallon of premium vodka. What is wrong with her? Why is music like this?

8) You know who Jesus would have liked? Pearl Jam. Nick Drake. Maybe some classic Deep Purple (for the badass organ). You know it's true.

o.k., I'm not sure Jesus would have liked Pearl Jam (I always figured he'd be more of a Green River/Mother Love Bone kind of guy), but the rest of this is pretty right on...