drunk blogging

so here it is,
3 a.m.
two birthday parties
3 birthdays
(maybe more)
and at least
four whiskeys,

and I'm giving
my ego
free reign.

Every missed opportunity
is like a needle
in the eye.

I can do anything.

Fuck you.

I can.

and I sit on the sidelines
and I hear people bitch
about the work
when I'd love to be doing it.

and
I'm working towards it
but,
I am an impatient bastard.

having
no faith
in the future
(quality or existence)
will do that.

right now,
you're right,
it is
none of your business,
but I am
drinking too much,
and doing too little,
and raging against
things over which,
I have no control.

I'm letting my ego
make decisions.
questioning loyalties.
losing faith.

yeah,
I know,
I'm not a big faith
one anyway...

I was thinking about it,
and I totally buy
the whole
existential
born alone
die alone
the closest
I can get to you
is one man deep
thing

at the same time
I perceive you
and I'm stuck with that.

we're stuck with that.

we're stuck here together.
perceiving each other.
and it's not easy.
but can't we
make the best of it?

do I have to sit
here
3 a.m. and rage
about the things I'm not doing?

why can't just celebrate
the things I am?

poison I reckon...
it's got me somewhere deep.

not sure if I's born broke,
or just grew wrong

haha

see how quickly the ego deflates?

nothing like grand delusion
with a side of self-loathing

so,
once again,
let's hear it for the whiskey
and the ego
and the hate

may they fuel me for years


M

(yeah, it's self indulgent crap,
but it's a blog...
as they say, "ya get what ya pay for...")